Today is the one year mark of my diagnosis. It is also my "baby's" 7th birthday. It's bittersweet. I don't want his birthday tainted with the bitterness of the diagnosis, but it's so sweet because it was one of the best days of my life when he came into this world.
The Lord has been ministering to me this week.... just like He always does. This morning I woke up with Romans 4 going thru my head.
"He is the God that calls things that are not as though they were."
I have absolutely NO regrets. I have faced this past year with a stealthy confidence in His amazing ability to heal. I love that this idea was His before it was mine. I have fought the good fight every single day. I have done what He said, usually when He said it. I have no regrets.
So, I am still confident. He has been telling me all year that I am beautiful and that I am pregnant.... that has just been a totally perplexing thing to me. But it's been so important for Him to continue speaking life over me by telling me that I am pregnant. He is calling things that are not as though they were.
When I woke up with that scripture I began meditating on it. It doesn't say that He changed everything that was not into something that was.... it doesn't say that he works to make things that are not as though they were... it just simply says that he calls things that are not as though they were. This may seem weak and a bit trivial for some, but remember He made the entire universe simply with His words. He spoke and it came to be. So, His very words are the most powerful force in the universe. That's good news!
Taking that another step. We are created in His image so our words are also very powerful. They can be life or death. I believe that is why He talks so much about "confessing with our mouths", and "being careful with our words"..... the power of life and death is in the tongue.
So I have been following a scheduled reading thru the Bible in a year and yesterday the two Psalms were 113 and 127. Psalm 113 says
"He settles the barren woman in her home, as a happy mother of children."
Psalm 127 says
"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in ones youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."
So, the Lord has reaffirmed to me that I must agree with Him and speak over myself what He says is already true outside of time. He hasn't seemed to think it was important to declare that I don't have a tumor anymore. In fact He hasn't said that once. He is focusing on the desire of my heart that has been stolen in this battle... my ability to conceive and carry a child. It's almost as if He is refusing to allow me to focus on this tumor, He is simply encouraging me to set my eyes on Him as He defeats this for me and then He turns and calls me pregnant. Amazing.
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