My healer

Last night I got some time alone. Daniel was at prayer at the church and I had put the boys to bed and it was so nice to just sit down and pour my heart out to the Lord. As I was praying the Lord told me to go back to my journal and read about this last year or so and what He has been teaching me. 

So I did, I went back and it was so amazing. If I have any "advice" for going through a season like this, or any season for that matter, it is to keep a journal. Especially a journal of what the Lord has said and is saying. Last night was profound for me.

All along I've been telling people that when the Lord woke me up early that November morning last year and told me to cancel surgery that he said he "was going to heal me".... When I went back and looked at my journal last night I realized what He really said is "I want to be your healer". Now I know that doesn't sound very different or profound to some, but for me it was revolutionary.

It means so much because what is going on doesn't necessarily have to do with an "event"... the tumor disappearing... but it focuses on a relationship. All along He has been healing me. He has been showing me things that He wants me to get rid of and pinpointing faulty thinking that I've had all my life that has been unfounded and even destructive. 

This small revelation changes my outlook completely. It takes away the disappointment of dealing with the every-day-ness of this illness. Secondly it creates an anticipation for what He is going to "heal" today. Finally, it is going to be an ongoing thing that only makes me stronger, gives me more to give away and creates an anticipation for a relationship that will thrive far beyond the manifestation of my physical healing.

How amazing is that!!!