Good sign

I wanted to update everyone who is praying for us especially. I got a call from my Dr.'s office yesterday. They received the labs back from my blood test. Everything looks very very very normal! I didn't know how much I really wanted to be normal until I wasn't for so long, and now, the word normal sounds amazing.

Daniel and I are just rejoicing because when you have something like a brain tumor and they tell you it could come back and then you have headaches and achy eyes every little thing kind of makes your heart jump and you begin wondering if things are getting bad again. Sooo, to get a blood test and have them test all the hormones produced by the pituitary and have it come back totally normal is such a relief. We are so excited.

Thank you all for praying for us and holding up our arms thru all this. Looking forward to more victories to come.

Growing up

This is a particularly exciting weekend for us. Last night we celebrated the graduation of Ethan from 1st grade and Micah from Kindergarten. Our tradition is to go bowling for their party and we had a great time. Micah outscored all of us... something he was quite thrilled about. 

Homeschooling has been so rewarding. To look at my kids and see the progress they have made from this time last year is astounding. In so many ways they are little sponges that soak up whatever you give them to learn. But with teaching our kids the progress is line upon line and precept upon precept so it isn't always measurable, but then when you finish a whole year and look back there is much satisfaction in what has been accomplished.

We are praying and asking the Lord for wisdom for next year. I want to homeschool but am asking the Lord what He has for my kids. For now I'm super happy to not have to do school everyday. I'm ready for a break.

Our second celebration is Micah. He turns 6 on Monday!!! I can hardly believe he is 6. He is such a joy. Hungry for knowledge, loves to learn, is compassionate at his core and the most devoted little guy I've ever met. He is still in love with his VeggieTales, at this point he claims he will love them until he is a daddy and can pass the love on to his children. I hope he isn't disappointed :o)

We are so blessed to have two amazingly healthy boys that are great buddies. It's times like these that I feel like I'm overflowing with gifts from the Lord. So so good to me!

Only He knows and that's ok.

Romans 15:13 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

I think we have already established the true meaning of hope but let me remind anyone who forgot or hasn't heard......

HOPE is the JOYFUL anticipation of GOOD

Now I'm reminding you as well as me because living on earth usually means we get curve balls thrown our way and we have to remember that it isn't the end of the world, but it can become something beautiful if we let Him use it.

John 16:33

"....I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

With that in mind we read the scripture again.... He is the God of hope (the joyful anticipation of good) and he wants to fill me with joy and peace (the first two things to go when crisis hits) because as we trust in him (picture yourself standing under the downpour of His hope getting filled up with joy and peace, trust keeps you there, fear takes you away from there) but if you stay there long enough you will OVERFLOW with what..... HOPE!!!! (the joyful anticipation of good) Amazing!!! 

It's like this awesome cycle of going to the source of hope and all good things and saying "wow, I sure need some hope, things look bleak" and he says, "here stand under my downpour for a bit, you'll get some joy and some peace" and you say "I don't need joy or peace, I need hope! I told you things look stinkin bleak!!!" and he says "relax, this will work I promise, you just have stay there for a while" So you decide to try it out and sure enough as soon as you step under that downpour you've got all this joy and peace and you forget about the circumstances that are screaming at you to freak out and give up..... Pretty soon before you know it you are overflowing with hope, the very thing you were looking for, and when you come out your situation always looks different.

The Lord downloaded this scripture to me this morning. I needed it. We had a doozy of a week.

Actually it started last week. Our housing hunt ended for various reasons, all out of our control. We have so much peace though. We thought we'd look for a house and pursue it as far as we could, but we hit a closed door and so we stop and instead of trying to make something happen that isn't supposed to happen we step back and say, "ok, we know you've got something awesome for us, just bring it in your timing"

We got hope.

Then Monday hit. I started spotting. The familiar scenario that left my heart sick. It's happened two times before and I knew exactly what was happening. Daniel and I prayed and waited, but Tuesday I lost the baby.

I was numb.

In fact I stayed numb for a few days, I had to in order to still function as a mom to my two other guys. I went thru the motions, did what I needed to do, but I just couldn't believe it happened again. I thought we had left all this heartache stuff back in California. This was our new land, our promised land, not that everything would be fairy-tale-ish, but we thought at least things would improve....

Wednesday my sister in law came and got the boys. I didn't think I needed a break, I'm ok, I'm dealing with it, strong.... when they left I just stopped, breathed and cried. I couldn't believe another baby was gone. 

Daniel and I took advantage of the time. We went on a much needed date to Baja Fresh, one of our favorites. We cried together, we went to the top of the hill in the middle of Bend called Pilot Butte. It was a beautiful evening and watched a storm roll in, complete with thunder and lightning, it was awesome. We cried and prayed some more. Emptied out. It literally downpoured on us while we were out there. We came home and read all the promises the Lord has given us over the years. We keep a journal of the specific promises he gives us either thru our personal times with him or from other people. You can't believe what a strength that is in times like these. 

Had all day Thursday to myself, another date night with my hubby, this time at home watching Return of the King, the third movie of the Lord of the Rings series. It was amazing. Then we had a quiet day home together today, just resting, worshipping, and enjoying the peace and joy of his downpour. I thought it was interesting that it literally downpoured here the last 3 days. First time it's done that since we moved here. It was magnificent.

This morning was when the Lord spoke to me thru the scripture in Romans. It is always a choice though. Choosing to allow him to fill us and give us a piece of him as the God of hope. Or staying in self pity and depression and wasting so much of what he is giving away freely. I choose life, and I choose hope.

We have hope again. It feels amazing.